This is a day where you will either have to go back to the embassy or in our case a day to do nothing. If you are in an upscale hotel you might introduce your child to a pool or just hang out and do nothing. Do nothing was my mode for the day. well actually I repacked all the stuff I had separating out what we will take onto the plane and what gets relegated to the hold. It is also time to settle accounts with our adoption representative.
Since we didn't have to go anywhere or be anywhere not a lot of stuff got done.
Here is what I would have done differently
1. Get photos of the many means of auxiliary power generators in use.
2. Buy the wife a whole lot more bangles – they were cheap.
3. One of the hawkers was selling brass wire geometric ball that would lay flat and then turn into a ball and then into a pot shape. I had these when a aunt and uncle travelled here 30 years ago. I was so tired that I totally blew the hawker off. I should have bought a dozen of them. If anyone goes there don't pay more than a $1 (US a piece and drive a hard bargain). If you get them I will buy them.
4. The Ginger in Delhi – stay away unless you are travelling by train.
5a. Make one trip to the orphanage. However get there as early as they would allow say 8 am and leave at 5pm. Spend the whole morning in the playroom loving on the children and letting your child warm up to you.
5b. Have a non-family member hold your child as you leave the orphanage and hold her/him for the ride to the hotel. May or may not make a difference in the bonding issue as a week later in the states we have heard from many families who have gone through the same issue as we have.
6. Take a group picture of her Miss C's room mates as soon as possible or get as much of them in a shot as possible. We thought we would have time the 2nd day but it didn't happen.
7. Eat a lot more desserts than what we did.
8. Sit in the kitchen and learn how the pro's really cook.
What I wouldn't have done differently
1. When in Rome act like a Roman. We did not eat one bit of western style food the whole time we were there. We went native and thoroughly enjoyed the food. We did go 100% vegan and were careful with fresh veggies. You need to make sure they were not washed in tap water. Fresh juices were not on our list of drinks. Lassie, which we had in the UK, were also on our not intake list.
2. Make use of the adoption agency's in-country representative.
How to make your trip a breeze
Step 1 – Trust Mr. R
Step 2 – Enjoy the ride take it all in stride
Step 3 – expect delays see Step 2
Mr. R's contract with our adoption agency is to get you your daughter/son. However he goes above and beyond and RN & I can only encourage you to trust his judgement. I was initially going to skip the Agra part of the trip. That would have been a huge mistake on my part and I am far more the richer for realizing that I was going to be making a HUGE mistake, Mr. R's schedule for the families is right on. You have ample time to recover from the 12 hour plus time shift if you have not followed any jet lag protocol. In addition to finally meeting and loving on your child is a short immersion into the culture and history of the Delhi & Agra. There are vast cultural differences between Western and Asian society. Mr. R can help you round off some your rough edges. Time well spent.
Our Agency versus Others
Our agencies in-country representative goes over and above when it comes to your comfort, safety and trying to meet your needs. Contractually all that is required is handing over of some paperwork and directions to the orphanage. For an extremely modest fee the agency will offer the services of the representative, a car, a driver. You can also have the agency make your in-country airline tickets and even your hotel arrangements. As for hotels take a look at the internet and get a feel for what is available and then give them your price range. Agra is expensive but a nice moderate hotel The Trident (with pool and buffet style meals) is quite nice - I would stay there again. Don't go cheap in Delhi you will regret it. Getting back on track. Some agencies do not review the paperwork before it is sent to the orphanage. Our agency send the dossier to the India representative who makes sure that ALL the paperwork is correct. This is especially important when it comes to the Home Study as American home study often include stuff that does not need to be there and at other times does not include stuff that should be there.
Having an in-country rep helped extremely in going to the US embassy. Other than seeing what is in the movies, Year of Living Dangerously, The Deer Hunter, Apocalypse Now, when it comes to Embassies I had not idea what to do and the web sites were not much either. Little things like don't stand in line go right up to the local guard and get inside. By the way no electronics of any sort are allowed inside. Even once inside certain papers are given at different times. Helps to not look the fool.
Having an on-site rep means that there is direct interaction with the orphanage and the adoption agency. A relationship is built and this is very important in Asian culture.
Don't Try To Circumvent The Process
One of the pet peeves is trying to get your adoption to move quicker. The first part is controlled by you, getting your dossier together. The 2nd part is out of your hands. The sooner you accept that the better off you will be. Some folks think that because they have contacts in India they can make the process go quicker. Don't try it may backfire, I have heard the tales, not pretty. My frustration was the time it took for one agency to get the paperwork to another, CARA to the Court. The court to get into session. Get the transcripts written up. Oh here is a kicker. There is DHL service but don't count on overnight delivery. It takes upwards of four (4) hours plus to go from Agra to Delhi. This is a mere 125 miles. Now translate that to state to state and then city to city. Being totally insensitive, I wonder how mail is delivered in the first place. Try this for an address
“1st Floor, Vasu Complex, Above TVS Showroom, Church Road, Ramnagar Colony, Agra”
Mail gets delivered but it may take some time.
The bureaucracy of India is as big and cumbersome as the US. It all rolls at its own pace. Plan on a long haul and when things happen quicker then be thankful for the blessing.
October is not a good month for the court system. There are numerous high holidays and festivals in October so not much gets done. Even when the India side gets done you can still get hung up on the US side. Our adoption is inter-state that means there has to be a compact between the state where the adoption agency has its home office and the state of California.
For what amounts to three (3) signatures for the ICPC took what I thought was too much time, but hey that is just my humble opinion. What could I do – nothing, see Step 3.
je
Simon – hope you like the food shots the wife is getting tired of me taking these...
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